Yeah, there's always something sad about achieving certains goals and dreams people always underestimated, but somehow were deeply important for you.
They make it look, sound, feel and taste so bad that, somehow, you end up thinking you shouldn't have had such opportunity.
Also, there's the part of you that always ends up suffering a bit from the lack of them. You know? Because you miss that sensation, that happiness, that sense of losing track of time and not really caring about that or anything else for that matter.
Suddenly they seem to have happened so fast, you're not even sure they actually happened as you remember. And you can barely remember them, too. And you feel that, the things you forgot, somehow were more important than the things you can actually remember and never get enough of telling over and over and over as if it was the very first time.
Yeah, when something really matters to you, you have that controversial feeling inside, telling you you're the best for having achievied such things, but also, that you probably shouldn't have, because of the suffering they cause to the ones you love. To the ones who are here. To the ones who have listened to your story a thousand times and got sick of it because they wanted to be a part of it. It sounds selfish, sometimes, and makes you feel like the worst human being on earth for being happy for a few moments with people you kind of look up to.
Sometimes, I don't know why I insist on trying to show to the ones I love how happy some details can make me and how important they are to me, what they represent for me. They are not just a simple laugh, a simple smile, a simple touch, a simple cute gesture. They represent a feedback of everything I stand for and admire.
I guess that's why is hard to understand and respect.
And I guess that's why it's just so damn sad to have to say goodbye when the time comes. Maybe this is the main question: I don't wanna say goodbye, and for that, I have to tell myself and the whole world over and over again so that way it feels true.
Yeah, I don't want those feelings to go away. I don't want to regret them. I just need the proper space to enjoy them as they deserve to be.
